PPO (Principal Party Officer) Dan Merino Reports:

This year's turnout was smaller than most with some 25 people making an appearance at our annual Christmas Party. Sadly only 4 people represented our fleet. Even sadder is that the keg was barely dented. Despite the low turn out there were many high points, some new aggressive gift tactics and only one violation of party rules.

First the high points: Steve outdid himself this year in the culinary department. The birds he fried were some of the tastiest I can remember. He even made a believer out of Denise. And as an added bonus he managed to keep the oil off the driveway... Way to go Steve...!!!

John Billings did a fine job carving the birds for an audience that was standing by ready to devour them. No fingers were reported lost during the carving (John's or any bystanders). As in the past only the cleaned carcasses were left and the turkeys didn't last long.

Former fleet captain Bill Jenkins introduced the new tactic seen this year... The rules of the party state that only people bearing white elephant gifts are eligible for the gift exchange. Bill took this one step further by bringing three gifts and submitting his name along with the names of Mike and Noelle's twins (Adam and Mathew). Was it extreme generosity or the attempt to use innocent children to dispose of his useless crap? Despite this tactic no protest was filed and the Jue family ended up carrying home an extra share of worthless items. At one point I thought Noelle suspected something was going on when she was forced to open more than one present.

Meg committed the major party foul when at the end of the evening I found the original mast ram tube from Weasel (her white elephant gift) sitting on a bookshelf in the living room. This was in clear violation of the BOLD print under the FAQ's that states: "YOU MUST TAKE YOUR GIFT HOME AT THE END OF THE EVENING". An appropriate penalty will be assessed at a later time.

The gifts...The most popular gift this year was the dancing Caddyshack gopher, which quickly got traded three times (maximum under party rules). At one point it had to be pried out of young Max's hands. The gopher originated in Missouri, moved to Long Beach, then to San Juan Capistrano and now to its new home in the College area (not my house). It's a well-traveled gopher...

Some gifts that made return trips to the party included the jar of "Ashes of former boyfriends" and the vintage 50's hair dryer. There was a rumor that the "Panoramic Kitty" video would return, but apparently Bill McKinney and Anita are not finished using it.

In general the quality of the gifts improved, which is probably a result of fewer 505 sailors showing up and more new blood showing up. I'm sure they'll catch on after this year though. I'm still waiting for my autographed video copy of the "Abonator"

Lame excuses:

Mark Kurzava - Anticipated hitting puberty that night so arranged to go to a company Christmas party with a hottie so she could lead him around by his short and curly.

Bill and Anita - Looking for a way to restore the worn sections of the "Panoramic Kitty" video.

Geoff Nelson - Swears that he was going to show up as soon as he hears from Ben, plus he's grown attached to the windmill.

Ben Wood - Busy trying to avoid Geoff

Chris Shand - Searching for the latest greatest in flu symptoms.

Dave Eberhardt - Couldn't find enough wrapping paper for his "Cannabot"

Doug and Harry - Were afraid people would think they were 505 sailors.

Chris Stomberg - Waiting for someone to buy his boat so he won't show up on the lame excuse list anymore (BTW... Congratulations)

Roger and Mike - Figured it would be another no show 505 event (and were partly correct).

Pilar Asensio - Would have choppered in from cruise ship off the southern coast of Mexico, but helicopter pilot got lost in Pilar's bed sheets.